Irony's a bitch.

I swear, the universe is fucking with me.

Universe: "Oh, you want to be an independent adult and take care of yourself, huh?"
Me: "Yes please."
U: "Can you take care of yourself when you're sick? Here's the flu."
M: "Fine. I've been sick before."
U: "Big girl, huh? Well then, can you take care of yourself with less money from taking sick time off work? And ooh, they might see you as undependable now."
M: "..."
U: "Nice to see you got yourself home in the rain without too much whining. Go warm up; you have a radiator and a space heater and a microwave to heat up that rice bag you like to put on your tummy and you can have hot water with lemon."
M: "That'll be so nice."
U: "Oops, blown fuse! Did I do that?"
M: "FFFFFUUUUUUUUUU--"