Saturday, June 1, 2013

"...Mother Mary calls to me..."

Sometimes, especially when I'm having a rough time, I miss church.
No, not quite. I miss the idea of church. I miss what I always expected church to be.

I was raised Christian, and it's still ingrained in me to turn to God when I need help.
Now if only it would actually help. It's always been--at best--ALMOST enough to help. Of course, then I'm left with a nagging hole that feels not just empty like before, but like a vacuum. It's like God and the church and the fellowship I was supposed to find there was all a tease and it feels like a cruel trick.

I'm so happy for those that ARE fulfilled by God and the church and all that can come with it; it sounds amazing. I got a taste of that at the Unitarian Universalist fellowship in Corvallis; you could believe anything you want and be whatever kind of person you were and live whatever lifestyle you love and they would not just accept it, but celebrate it. There, "God" was in the love we gave to each other.

And then I moved. Ten years later, here I am, searching for peace of heart and unconditional love and acceptance and coming up short. I feel like I should be able to find it in myself, but...

Ah, well. That's what kitties are for, right?

Edit: Oops, the lyrics in Let It Be are really "Mother Mary comes to me". I like my version better. ;P

2 comments:

  1. great post.My mother was raised seventh day adventist and it was so regimented she purpously did not bring church or religion into our life.

    I now though have an appreciation for all religions and respect belief as a whole, it is to bad most of society does not.

    There is a great Unitarian church in SE portland my dad has attended several times!

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  2. I was raised Unitarian. I asked a Unitarian minister once if anyone raised Unitarian keeps going to church.

    "Only the ones that become ministers..." he said.

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