You know how sometimes people ask silly questions like "if you could go back to any point in your life but retain the knowledge you have now, what would you do"?
I was thinking about that tonight.
I would go back to 15. I started dating when I was 15, and that's when everything went wrong.
This probably won't make sense to people who don't know me very well, but I bet you can get the gist:
I would go back and tell 15 year old me that even though I'm allowed to date now, I should wait until I find a quality guy rather than dating the first guy that would have me. I would say, "Pay attention to your feelings. You hate Travis. Don't date him! Wait for Jonas. He's sweet."
Then when dating Jonas, I would tell myself to not break up with him, but to communicate about how I feel so maybe things can get better.
Then, if life still progressed the way it has, I would tell myself to stay the fuck away from Tino. From there, I'm sure life would be MUCH different.
Speaking of which, May 11th this year will be 10 years since Tino raped me. This really brings home to me that I was such a child at the time. It makes me sad. Of course, all rape is sad.
You know the good thing about this year, though? On May 11th, I will be in FREAKING DENMARK. With any luck, I won't even remember what day it is.
Life is horrible and beautiful. Both aspects make me cry.
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