So yesterday was my birthday, and I got a freakin' tattoo! I've been wanting it for a while now, and I decided it was time. I went to Xavier Darling (who really is quite darling; I loved him immediately) at Black Hole. It didn't hurt nearly as much as I thought it was going to. I didn't cry or faint; my hands got clammy but that was it.
The scene.
The stencil.
The process. (The ink was a mix of deep red, light brown, and black, and the stencil was purple. This combination of factors made the process look much gorier than it was. No worries. :) )
This morning my iPod alarm finally worked the way it was supposed to. For the first day in what will hopefully be a long string of days, I awoke at 6:45 to Louis Armstrong singing What A Wonderful World, followed by guided breathing meditation, followed by another round of What A Wonderful World.
It is a relaxing, positive way to start the day and I highly recommend it. I was more awake in the continuing morning, and felt better than usual throughout the day, with a few awesome bursts of creative inspiration. I may have even had less pain.
Today I will reach 10k words in my book. I'm embarrassed to tell people this if they know how long I've been working on it, but you know what? I took a lot of breaks to deal with life, AND I proofread and edit the whole thing every day before I start writing again. So my first draft is going to be awesome. So nyah nyah.
You know what ELSE? This is my first real attempt at a whole novel, and I'm pretty sure this is already the longest thing I've ever written (business plan not included because that's no fun).
And lastly, I'm going to finish this. I know it.
I think (not to jinx it) the ants are gone! I guess my minefield of bait did its job!
Which means... I can set up my minefield of pillows I've been wanting for years! I want my new apartment to have the supreme lazy comfort of lounging around like in ancient Rome... grapes included! Dressing in a sheet is allowed as long as it stays on. ;)
Also, I went dancing last night for the first time since moving. It was awesome. It was west coast swing, which is one of my favorites (the others being lindy hop and salsa). Sometimes "west coast people" are kinda (ok, very) snobby, but those were few and far between last night, it seemed.
My old dance teacher from 10 years ago was there, and she hasn't aged a day... same haircut even.
I saw one of the other people I danced with regularly in that same timeframe all those years ago, and he actually recognized me! His leading style is less forceful now, which I guess is good for most people, but I actually liked it better back then. :P
I also saw someone else who was in my old circle of dancers. I knew I might see him, and I was prepared. I had to be prepared, because back in Corvallis, when I was in high school and dancing my little legs off to fight suicidal urges, he molested me several times, starting shortly after I was raped. I didn't know that I was allowed to say no. I thought that this was how the adult world really worked -- that everyone would only ever want me for my body, and it was my responsibility to give it freely. That it was my role to play, my lot in life. Anyway, he ignored me and I ignored him, which I guess is good. If he had talked to me, I was all fired up and ready to say with a scowl on my face, "You will not speak to me or touch me ever again. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"
Things have been really strained and frustrating with Sunrise lately, but yesterday we had a very long conversation and came to many healthy understandings, and now things are better than better.
Also, (again, not to jinx it) I'm almost done with the flu. My chest congestion is almost gone, and I am almost back to my regular singing ability, and I had plenty of energy for dancing last night.
I'm going to eat breakfast now, and revel in the fact that I can eat, because that is not always possible for me.
I'm feeling really good and healthy today... Plenty of energy and a robust appetite. It's about damn time. :)
In other, somewhat related news, I'm trying to decide whether to make a big, intimate, important blog post. I know I said in my first post that this blog was to be my refreshingly unfiltered outlet, but I gotta say--this topic is really giving me pause.
On the lighter side, I have very much enjoyed some kitty time lately. :)
I finally tackled the Great Closet Switchover last night. So long, summer clothes! Hello sweaters and ugh—insulated pants...
I am also donating a big trash bag full of clothes. It feels good to get rid of stuff sometimes. I always want to keep stuff that I like, but for the last couple Switchovers I have implemented a policy: if I didn't wear it the last time it was out, I get rid of it instead of putting it out this time around. I get new clothing enough that I don't need to keep things that I got a decade ago.
I have been all kinds of productive today! Just call me OnTheBall Martha. I made business phone calls, updated my schedule, and... I forget. Lots of stuff. That's pretty big, because I'm feeling all antisocial again and that makes me not want to do responsible adult stuff.
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Today on the bus, there was a slightly "off" vagrant... He reminded me of another slightly "off" vagrant that used to frequent the independent bookstore I worked at for a time in Seaside.
His name was Paul. He would come in and get hot coffee and try to sell us the watercolor paintings he made. He would sometimes talk to us, but more often he would talk to the voices in his head. One such time, he was muttering, "I just don't get it... I don't understand why... when you see a pretty woman... you can't just grab her. I don't get it..."
I decided to stay behind the counter until he left that day.
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Today at Massage Envy I had a client that I hadn't seen since last year. I guess the front desk staff told her that I was leaving, so she was asking me about it.
When I told her that I was getting divorced, she started asking me a bunch of questions about that. Finally she started asking questions that didn't apply and I had to tell her that we weren't legally married, although this is still a divorce because we are married in every way BUT legally.
When I told her that, she let out a huge sigh of relief and said, "Oh, well I feel MUCH better." And the questions stopped.
Well I'm glad YOU feel better about MY problems. :P
I am importing the photos/videos from my video project and it is taking forever. I guess I never talked about it in more detail like I said I would.
So!
It is a video with a theme of accepting yourself and not conforming to other people's standards of beauty. It begins with me looking unsatisfied with what I see in the mirror. I get a makeover. I go out to a bar hoping to be happy now that I am looking the ways and doing the things society says I should.
(Hey, they finished importing!)
Ahem. So I go to this bar and I expect to fit in and feel comfortable, but I find that I am actually WAY MORE uncomfortable than I was just being myself. So I go home, take down the fancy hair, wash off the makeup, and take off the sexy dress and I am left with me, which I now realize is the only thing I want to be, and I am happy. The end.
The video will be set to this song, and there will be no other audio.
This is gonna take forever to edit, but I think it'll be worth it. :)
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I was at World Market the other day and they had Christmas decorations out, yay! I know most people hate seeing that stuff out already, but since I start feeling Christmassy in September, I was really excited. Like, twirling-around-in-the-store-squealing excited.
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For the makeover for my video project, I painted my nails. Now I can't stop staring at them while giving massage. The sparkles are mesmerizing...
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Still coughing a bit. Looking forward to more cupping and acupuncture on Wednesday. I wonder if I'll bleed through the lung points during cupping again. That was so cool.
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The other day I was singing (again) and I sang A House Is Not A Home (the glee version, of course) and hit all the notes for the first time! Go me! What was I saying about small victories?
The other day I was walking somewhere and singing. I was stopped at a crosswalk and someone came up next to me. I got quieter for a moment. Then I decided "screw it" and kept singing at my previous volume.
Maybe someday I can sing in front of people who choose to be there just to hear me sing.
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In related news, one of my singing videos on YouTube has over 200 hits now for some reason.
...Cool! XD
