"Mind over mood."

I am going through cognitive behavioral therapy, facilitated by the book Mind Over Mood and weekly appointments with a psychiatric NP.

I'm trying to be more stable. I'm tired of feeling like there's a storm in my brain. I'm tired of feeling so guilty for all of the consequences of my bad choices. I'm tired of not understanding why I do certain things. I recognize that certain traumas in my past have affected how I have perceived the world and how I have reacted to it. I have hope that dealing with these traumas will help me reprogram myself and see things in a more accurate way.

And yet . . .

For some reason... in some way... I am attached to my neuroses. Maybe I feel like they make me special? Or profound? Or maybe I feel like I deserve them.

I want to get rid of them.
But then I'd be normal.
I've grown to be proud of my weirdness.
So I don't want to get rid of them.

Maybe the real problem is that I feel like if I get rid of my neuroses, I won't be me anymore.