Losing it.

I can't believe I'm crying this much over a pub.

Somebody told me not long ago, "Remember, divorce is the death of a marriage, and you will grieve."
Tonight Sunrise and I went to Old Mill Brew Wërks, which has become "our place". Not long after arriving, I felt very depressed. Sunrise noticed, which made me start to cry. I tried to hide it, but the more he asked me what was wrong, the more I was unable to stop my tears.
Rudy's laugh—his awesomely genuine, goofy laugh—really did me in.
I'm not going to hear that anymore.
I'm not going to have someplace where everybody knows my name (cue "Cheers" theme song)—or if I get one eventually, they will know me alone. And that just feels sad.
Nobody is going to know what I like and make me special dishes and greet me warmly.
I am going to feel SO out of place.

Why am I doing this, again?

Oh, that's right, because I want to stop fucking things up.

Cheers to that.